This is me and Ed at my company picnic. It was a good day. Unfortunately there won’t be any more good days for us because he is now on a dating hiatus. What can I say? It’s a bummer and I’m a little ticked at him but whatever.

I found out today that my boss is being moved to one of the outer facilities and I will be getting a new boss. That sucks big time. I work well with this boss and I really don’t want to have to break in a new one. But, no one asked my opinion so I guess I’ll just deal.

I worked the hotline for the first time on Monday. I got two hang ups and a wrong number…lol! So I volunteered to take it again last night from 5-7. I expected a quiet shift again because most people don’t call during the dinner hours, but boy was I taken by suprise!

I got on call almost as soon as I rerouted it to my phone. It was an easy call, the lady just really needed someone to listen to her. And listen I did…for 35 minutes. I could really relate to this caller, though, which made it easier to say the right things and “talk her down” from her anxiety.

The second call? Hoo boy…that one was tough. The caller started out asking for a referrall to a support group because she didn’t feel like anyone was listening to her. Long story short…our system failed her and her kids. She was fleeing her husband, had been staying in motels, and was now out of money. She was calling from the front steps of a church, she had her kids with her, and she had nowhere to go. Everything I knew to do was already done so I had to go up a level and call my back up person. The back up person is one of the therapists for Family Services. When I explained things to her she said she wasn’t sure where to go either…and she had to go up a level too. I called the victim back to let her know there were now multiple people working on a way to help her and she thanked me and started to cry. My back up called me right back, said the director of that agency was now on it, and that they would take it from there.

Shew! My back up person sent me an email letting me know she’d be calling me this morning to let me know how things turned out. I’m a little anxious to hear about it. I thought about this woman and her kids all evening.

So, although my budding relationship with a great guy has been nipped, my finances leave a lot to be desired, and my awesome boss is being transferred…I know I’m blessed because I have a stable home and I’m on the recieving end of the hotline instead of being the caller.

The last few weeks have been crazy busy. Between Tyler being born, bunny transports, VAN training, and the general running of the household I haven’t had time to sit idle. And anyone who knows me knows I LOVE to just sit and relax. With a book. And no interruptions.

Work is slow. The county has suspended the purchase of new cars and travel/training for all agencies. I had a little bit of stuff to do earlier and so far today I’ve done maybe 10 minutes of actual work and three hours of screwing around.

My boss is interviewing for a promotion and I’m a little nervous that he’s going to get it. I know this is selfish of me…but I don’t want him to get it. He and I click as a unit and I don’t want to have that taken away. I know his quirks and he knows mine. He’s a little uptight but he has faith in my work ethic. He leaves me alone and I like that. I’m afraid that this one guy, who I don’t particularly care for, is going to replace my boss if he’s promoted. I don’t want to dread coming to work. I told my boss that I wish him luck but only half heartedly. He laughed and said “Understood”. He doesn’t think he’ll get it but I think he will.

That’s pretty much it as far as life goes in my world. Kind of boring but we all know it could be worse. I’m happy to stick with boring for now.

After a LONG wait my nephew FINALLY entered the world at 11:30 pm on October 30. He weighs 8 lbs 4 oz and is 21 inches long.

Mother, baby, and daddy are all doing fine though my poor sister is exhausted after such a long day. She did great though!

My nephew will be born tomorrow and my baby sister will be a mom for the first time.

Goofing around with the girls and getting a serious case of the giggles because Amie is lightning quick with the wit.

Introducing Ed to my parents and seeing him smile when he says they’re some of the nicest people he’s had the pleasure of meeting.

Being a foster mom to four homeless bunnies.

Getting an email from my training coordinator that says I’ll be a great asset to our organization.

Getting a strange look from someone I work with when I tell them I’m not a people person because they think I am.

Being asked where we should go for lunch because I’m part of the group and my opinion matters.

Coming home to MY house…knowing it’ll always be here and my kids will always have a place to call home.

Cutting up a fresh loaf of Apple Scrapple and seeing the girls eyes light up when they taste it for the first time.

Eating hamburgers for dinner that Amie made by herself.

Seeing professional therapists write down my observation of a taped interview because they hadn’t looked at that angle before.

Talking to Ed about my day and hearing about his before I go to sleep at night.

Getting up every day and going to a job that I love with a boss who respects and appreciates my work.

Life is so much better now than it was just a few months ago. It’s lightyears better than it was even a year ago. I’ve thought about the past and the relationships I endured along the way. I am who I am today because of the path I took to get here. The obstacles I had to overcome taught me a lot about life. I’m finally in a happy place and I like it.

Much of what I’ve learned so far isn’t new to me. Between just general awareness and my own personal experience there hasn’t been anything that’s really shocked me so far. I know it’s early yet and that they’ll pull the big punches later on but for now I’m kind of building on knowlege I already had.

We watched a video today about emotional torture. It was an Oprah special a couple years ago so it was pretty heavily censored…but watching the footage from the camera placed in this couples’ house was just like stepping back in time to my apartment when I was sharing it with Christopher. The poor wife sitting on Oprah’s stage looked terrified, like she was thinking ahead to the punishment she would recieve later for sharing what life is like in her household with America. And for me, knowing that what we saw was just the tip of the iceberg, seeing it made me want to show her how to get away from that. I wanted to tell her she COULD get out of there and that it wasn’t as hard as it might seem.

But she wasn’t on the show because she wanted out. She wanted to fix her relationship. She wanted him to change. She wanted her “happily ever after”. ::sigh::

The husband sat there and watched that footage, which he agreed to allow to be filmed, with detatchment. He didn’t wince, he didn’t blink. When asked what he thought when he saw himself he said “Yeah, that’s really not cool.”.

Really not cool.

He didn’t apologize for his behavior. He didn’t look ashamed. What he did was sit there and tell us all that he didn’t remember acting that way. He knows it was him on the video but he just couldn’t remember verbally attacking his wife the way he did.

I may be biased since I lived with and escaped from an asshole just like him…but I think he was full of shit. There were five or six times where he said “Yeah, let the camera catch THAT!”. He most certainly did know what he was doing and he would be well served by an anger management and rage control class.

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Every morning at work we get an email called Newslink that keeps everyone up to date about the goings on of the county. Sometimes there are pleas for volunteer help and a couple of weeks ago I responded to one of those.

The Victim’s Assistance Network (VAN) is a hotline for domestic violence and sexual assault. They need volunteers to take shifts on the phone. This is something I can do from home so I decided to sign up. In order to be a part of this volunteers have to go through 40 hours of training, which started last night.

I walked in there not really knowing what to expect. I figured we’d get to know each other and find out exactly what we signed up for. I suprised myself by being pretty active in the discussions. Usually I’m a “sit back and observe” kind of person before I decide what angle I want to work on, then I persue it. But last night? I did a loooooot of talking. And after class I found myself walking out to the car with a group of women, chatting about the class coming up on Saturday. That is unusual for me too. I typically either shoot out the door right away or I hang back until everyone else has made it out, then I leave, kind of avoiding conversation with people. I’m not sure what got into me but the group was very nice and I’m glad I’m getting to know them.

We did some group exercises to open up discussions and then we jumped in with both feet. We were paired up and given a card with a mock phone call scenario. One of us was supposed to read it, making sure we put emotion into it the way we thought we’d hear it from a real caller. The other person was the volunteer who had to steer the conversation. My partner was the caller, I was the volunteer. She read the card:

My daughter is seven years old and she has recently started wetting the bed. She’s been potty trained since she was two! I’ve tried talking to her about it but she shuts down when I try. She has also stopped accepting affection from her father. How can I help mend the relationship between them? Her daddy loves her so much.

My brain went completely blank. Seriously, it was like a white board that was just erased. All of the little exercises we had just done were gone.

I was told to take a deep breath and take my time sorting out the information. So I did.

We were told that the technique we will be using to draw out information from people so we can determine what kind of help to offer is called “reflecting”. Like a mirror. We’re supposed to repeat back, in our own words, what we think we heard so that the caller can either agree or tell us we’re way off base.

What I wasn’t allowed to say was “Girl, that man is MOLESTING your daughter! Get out of there NOW!” Our role is to listen and let the caller know they aren’t alone, even though they probably feel like they are. So, after a few seconds I gathered my wits and, in front of the roughly 20 other people in the room, took a stab at it.

Oh, and in my eagerness to learn I volunteered to go FIRST. And just so you know, there are actual THERAPISTS in that training, so I was winging it in front of people who do this for a living. No pressure, right?

So I said “I want to be sure I understand what you’re telling me. You’re concerned about your daughter’s bed wetting behavior and the new reluctance to show affection to her father. You’re also troubled by the lack of communication between the two of you. Is this right?”

And she said “Yes! I am at my wit’s end! What do I do?”

I answered “I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, I know how difficult it can be. Have you taken your daughter to the doctor for a check up? It’s possible that she has a physical problem that’s causing the bed wetting, which is embarrassing for her. That could make her feel like closing herself off from you and her dad.”

Now, I know it seems like I should have tried to fix this situation by bombarding this woman with references to sexual assault counselors or referred her to the women’s shelter…but what we’re supposed to do is start from the very basics. It really is possible that in this situation there’s a UTI and it’s a simple matter of taking some antibiotics to clear it up. It’s also possible that this girl’s father is raping her. By getting her in to see the doctor an exam will be done which could lead to evidence of sexual trauma.

The trainers stopped me at that point. We don’t know if this mother already did the doctor thing or if she doesn’t think that’s it. We assume, but don’t know for sure, that she suspects molestation, otherwise she wouldn’t be calling the hotline…but we can’t assume anything. We need to be told what the caller is looking for so we can reccommend the next step.

The feedback I got was good. I was told that my answer was not off-putting and that it gave off vibes that let the caller know she could trust me. That’s an important part of the hotline because many times people will call and then chicken out, hanging up before they get any kind of help.

I told a co-worker today about this exercise and her reaction was “Oh my God! That had to be so hard since you have two daughters!” And honestly? My mind didn’t even go there. I didn’t personalize this…it wasn’t about me. Which is exactly what you want when dealing with situations like these. A volunteer needs to be able to separate their own lives from those of the callers.

I still have 36 hours of training left. The next training day is Saturday from 9-4. That’s a looooong day, especially when dealing with this kind of subject matter. I think ‘ll learn a lot though. And I think I’ll be good at this.

Yesterday was the annual agency picnic and we had a fabulous time! The day started early, we got up at 7 because I was lucky enough to be on the planning committee and had to be at the park by 9:30. Ed (the coffee guy) came to pick us up at 8:45. We were the first to arrive at 9:15. I talked to Vicki, the head planner, and she said she was on her way so I figured we’d see her within a few minutes. We waited. And waited. And waited. Finally, at 10:20 she pulled in, frazzled, with her son and his friend in tow.

We set to work getting the pavillion ready and Vicki was freaking out because Dalton, the grill man, wasn’t there yet to start heating up the coals. He arrived at almost 11. People started showing up at about 11:30 and things went pretty smoothly.

Ed, the girls, and I went to play mini golf, which took for freakin ever. And I sucked worse than I’ve ever sucked at mini golf before. In my defense I haven’t played in a loooooooong time, but the amount of holes where I took 6-10 tries, sometimes not even making it, was not cool. But! We all had fun and that’s what’s important.

There was an old man and his grandson following us around the course. They had to wait for us a lot since there were four of us and only two of them. At one of the holes when it was my turn to putt the old man FELL OVER BACKWARDS, landed hard on his shoulder in the rocks, and he was kind of upside down with his feet over his head like he was doing a backwards roll. Stupid me just stood there and said “Oh my God!” while Ed had the presence of mind to run over there, pick the man up, and put him back on his feet. The man said he was OK and that he just stepped backwards off the sidewalk but I kept my eye on him until we were through with the course and I swear he almost fell over backwards three more times. I was really glad when we were finally finished and could leave that man far behind. He made me nervous.

The four of us headed back to our pavillion for some lunch, hung out for a while to say “hi” to everyone, and wait for the door prize give aways. Amie won a Starbuck’s card, Amber won a McDonald’s card, and I didn’t win anything.

Our next stop was to the train that runs through the park. It was a nice little ride with Amie and Amber sitting in the seats in front of me and Ed. The girls chattered away while Ed and I relaxed and enjoyed the view, listening to them. I don’t think the ride was long enough and I would have gladly gone for a second ride but we didn’t have enough time before we had to leave the pavillion.

After the train ride we hit the carosel. The girls rode on horses and Ed and I stood behind them. It was a pretty long ride as far as carosels go. My boss put his kids on with us and he stepped off, so I kept my eye on all four kiddos and made fun of the boss for standing outside of the fence.

The last thing we did was ride on the boats. The sucky part was that only three people could go on a boat at one time and there were four of us. So, we got two boats. Amie and Ed took one and Amber and I took the other. Amber and I only made it about half way across the lake because she had a hard time with the rowing and I can only row to the right. Amie and Ed went all the way across the lake and back and the two of them had a great time together. I thought for sure I’d be sore today but I’m not, which is really nice.

After the boats we headed back to the pavillion, expecting to have to clean up, but when we got there it was already clean, Vicki and Joey were waiting for us to get back, and everyone else was gone. I felt kinda bad that they had to wait on us but we waited for them in the morning so I guess it evened out.

We didn’t go straight home from the park…first we hit Starbucks, then we went to Petsmart to look at fish. Ed has lots of fish and I’ve been kind of interested in learning about the different kinds and how to keep the tanks going without killing anyone. We walked along the tanks and he explained to us how they get the different colors, how to decide which fish to put in a community together, and how many he killed trying to get it right…lol! From there we went to the new Petco, where the fish were MUCH better.

We finally got home at about 8 p.m. Ed and I took the dogs for a walk, one at a time, and talked about the day. He declared it a great day and I agreed that it didn’t suck. We talked about all the animals and how I got involved with them..and how I wound up adopting them, and also how I wound up fostering four rabbits for a shelter in Maryland.

We finished with the walks and reluctantly ended the day. It was a really fabulous day and it’s not one I’ll soon forget. It’s been a long time since I hung out with a man who made me feel as good Ed did. Vicki and Kelly from work even called me last night to tell me that he’s cool and they hope to see him at the Christmas party. He and I are in the “getting to know you” phase and we have plans to keep things light. Neither of us wants to jump into anything serious, hopefully it’ll work out. If not, well, I’m still glad we spent yesterday together.

So, last night I started watching the debate with Amie and I found myself liking everything one candidate had to say while liking nothing the other guy had to say. I’m not gonna get into who I liked and didn’t like but I will say I got tired of it after about 45 minutes. I left Amie to finish watching and I went to bed. And slept like a rock. It was good.

Work went OK today. I was steady busy, which was good since my IM buddy was chaperoning a school field trip. I had a lengthy discussion with a vehicle coordinator from the police department, hung out with the front desk guy and talked about my friend the coffee guy and his mother (who is sick), and then I talked to a co-worker friend about the company picnic on Saturday, where I have to arrive at 9 a.m. to help set up for 200 people.

I’m not really looking forward to the picnic. It’ll probably be fun, we get free train rides, carosel rides, boat rides and mini golf. There will be lots of food, karaoke, pinatas for the kids, pumpkin carving, and random socializing, but mingling in big crowds of people just isn’t fun for me. The girls will be going with me and so will Coffee Guy, which is cool at least. I haven’t seen him in a couple of weeks but we’ve talked pretty frequently.

So, tomorrow will be a regular day, then on Friday I have Access class, which I’m dreading. The good news is it’s the last one. Whew!

Tomorrow night I have six mini lop baby bunnies coming to visit from an animal control shelter in Maryland. They’re overflowing and were pretty desperate for some foster homes…so those six are coming here for a couple of weeks while they work on getting the numbers down. They will be bunking with Amber so the dogs won’t get near them, they won’t bring any illness to our residential bunny gen pop, AND so she can hog them.

It’s gonna be a busy couple of weeks. Hopefully they’ll go quick.