I started thinking about this hard this morning after I heard on Fox News Radio that John Edwards cheated on his DYING wife. Asshole.

Last week I was wondering why it is that some women get really lucky and marry a man who would die before he betrayed her and why women like me keep picking self centered jerks. So far I’ve been lucky enough to be with my ex husband, who left us because “HE” didn’t want to be a husband and father. Then I was with a psychotic borderline. Then I was with a classic narcissist. Then I was with a man who has a pretty severe mommy complex and a stronger desire to own a motorcycle and stay married to the wife he’s been separated from for a year and a half than maintain a relationship with little old me. (I will admit that I’m not the best catch but damn, I’m certainly not the worst. Though I’m suprised he stuck with me for as long as he did since we suffered through a severe sexual incompatibility and he considers himself to be pretty sexual.)

This week I’m feeling pretty lucky to not have to deal with that kind of bullshit any more. I decided to look at relationships objectively in an attempt to understand what I’m doing wrong in my selections. I came to the conclusion that it’s not me.

Look at poor Elizabeth Edwards. She’s fighting cancer, not for the first time. She stood by her husband in his campaign to be the Democratic Presidential Candidate. She has put him first even when her own body betrayed her and how does he pay her back? By sleeping with another woman? That’s disgusting.

Heather Locklear. I’ll admit that Denise Richards is pretty high on the hot chick scale, but Heather was off the charts of that scale long before Denise was ever measured by it. And her has been rocker husband cheated on her! WTF is wrong with him?

Halle Berry. Cheated on. Jennifer Aniston. Cheated on (and I don’t care if it WAS with Angelina Jolie, that’s still dispicable.)

These are beautiful, brilliantly talented women who have EVERYTHING. And they haven’t been any luckier than I have in the husband department. The only thing left for me to conclude is…if they pick scummy men how in the world can I expect to ever find one who’s wonderful?

To make matters worse…I’ve been missing Pete something awful lately. I haven’t given him much thought in the past year but I keep passing him on the road when I’m driving to and from work. I’ve come such a long way and the way he treated me makes me lucky to be doing as well as I am in life right now…but I still miss him. I know I’m missing what I wanted him to be and not who he actually was…but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. Maybe I’m feeling this now because I bottled it up right after I moved out and I’ve been preoccupied until now. I never did really greive my loss, even though it’s probably the best thing that could have happened to me.

I am a strong person and my bruised heart will heal. I just need to give it time and not go looking for Mr. Right Now. I need to show my girls that being alone doesn’t mean that you’ll be lonely. It’s OK for the things you enjoy in life to be enough. Simplicity is where it’s at for me.