What does a girl do when she’s recently broken up with her boyfriend, her kids are leaving for the weekend, and she hates her roommate?

On Friday night this girl will see the kids off, then snuggle up in bed watching DVD’s of House, MD with her puppies. On Saturday she’ll keep herself busy by meeting her real estate agent to sign more papers, attend a marketing/pr meeting for her dog rescue, then go home and start packing up her house. On Sunday she’ll go to a church she scoped out online today, cancel the text messaging plan on her cell phone that she no longer has a need for, go walk some dogs for the rescue she volunteers with, and pack up some more stuff while she waits for her kids to come home. Then, on Monday, while she’s unemployed for the day, she’ll see the kids off to school, get a hair cut, go grocery shopping, clean up behind all of that stuff she packed over the weekend, and then settle down and go to bed early so she can start her new job on Tuesday bright eyed and bushey tailed.

In other words, she’ll stay busy so she doesn’t have a chance to miss anyone.

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Heard in my office earlier today:

Jean: Wow, after tomorrow Kristie will be gone. Who are we gonna laugh at?

Monica: I don’t know, it’s gonna be really quiet….

Me: You ladies sound sweet and innocent when you say that but I’m not entirely sure that’s a compliment.

Switching gears…

Why is buying a house such a difficult process? Why can’t you just pick up your house, head to the checkout, and be on your merry way? My realtor, bless his heart, is really going above and beyond to make sure this transaction goes smoothly. He’s never done a foreclosure before so he’s learning as he goes. Unfortunately for me that means I have a bunch of extra steps that I need to take (and checks to write, ENOUGH OF THE REQUESTS FOR MONEY ALREADY!). Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful, I just don’t have the time or the understanding for all that needs to be done.

Por ejemplo: Mike called me today and said “I talked to a real estate attorney and it turns out that she just attended a seminar on foreclosures! She looked over your contract and saw a couple of potential red flags that we need to investigate.”

I heard that sentence perfectly fine. The rest of what he said sounded more like “blah blah BLAH, blah blah blah blah.”

What I need to do is give $25 to this title attorney who will run a title search to make sure there are no leins against the property. I’ll have title insurance and that covers most “clouds” but it doesn’t cover IRS leins. Because the bank wants to close “on or before April 21″ it’s possible that there’s an IRS lein that expires right before that. Of course I’m welcome to close before the possible lien expiration but if I do that the IRS can and probably will knock on my door and kick me out of the house. And I would still be responsible for the mortgage while being homeless at the same time.

Do I think this is the case? No. I think they’re giving me a deadline before I forfiet my contract. I sure hope I’m right. For the low price of $25 I can know for sure.

Cha ching.

Mike also said:

“Jennifer said it would be a really good idea to go to the town hall and make sure there are no code violations on record. The bank contract said they are not responsible for clearing up any code violations or liens.”

I don’t know if that costs anything but if it does I’m sure it’s a minimal charge. What I really don’t know is when in the hell I’m going to make it down to the town hall to find out. And when I get to the town hall who the hell do I talk to? I might have to work on my damsel in distress disguise because I’m sure I’m going to need someone to hold my hand, and quite possibly wipe my nose. (Ok, not really. I can wipe my nose on my sleeve.)

Then Mike said:

“I have a call in to the listing agent to find out if the water is on to the house so Ed can do the inspection. He hasn’t returned my call yet. Now, there are two ways we can pay for this. I can either put it on my credit card or Ed can bill the seller and it can be added on to your HUD sheet.”

I had previously told Mike that funds are dwindling and that I might have to forego the inspection. He offered to pay for it because he said he’d hate to see me get this far and then wind up with a huge problem that I didn’t know about because I didn’t get the home inspection. Although I abhor accepting help from other people I agreed to that with the intention of sending him a thank you card after the closing with a check for $390 (the inspection fee) and a Starbucks gift card to thank him. Tonight I told him to go ahead and bill the seller and that charge can be decucted from the earnest money that I’m supposed to be getting back.

Cha ching.

I guess it’s safe to say that the fun part is on “pause” right now while the icky, grown up, businessy part plays for a while. I’ll tell you what, I’m ready to “stop” this current phase and “fast forward” to where the fun part of moving in starts. We can fast forward past the cleaning part too because there’s a good amount of that to be done first.

We’re so close I can hardly stand it! Just a couple more weeks to go.

I am not a deeply religious person. Do I believe in God? Absolutely. Is my faith strong? Yes it is. But do I worship like I should? No, I don’t. And after everything good that’s happened to me in the last couple of weeks I think I should start.

I used to go to church when I was young. My mother dragged me out of bed every Sunday for the early service and Sunday School (and Youth Group when I got older). I was an alter girl (Lutherans don’t let just the boys have that privelige). I went to class for two years and got confirmed. And though I would have rather slept late like I do now I didn’t dislike going to church.

When I moved out of my parents’ house I stopped going. Not because I don’t like it but because I’m lazy. It’s a stupid reason really. I guess you could say I’m a “fair weather Christian”. I turn to God when I need something and I thank Him profusely when things work out for me. As a matter of fact, there’s been A LOT of thanking going on in my head with all of the positive things that have been handed to me. I know I got the new job because it was His plan for me. I know the houses I looked at in Leesburg were not where the girls and I were meant to wind up. I know the cute little two bedroom townhouse I wanted turned out to be a short sale (and therefore untouchable) because I was meant to buy the house I’m buying. Why else would the bank choose to accept my offer over those of the other people?

And though I know He lets us choose our own path, I believe that Rich and I are not together because God does not intend for either of us to screw up in the relationship department again. I know that if I was not buying this house Rich and I would have moved in together and any chance we would have had to live happily ever after would have gone straight down the toilet. We weren’t (and still aren’t, though I guess it doesn’t matter now) ready to make a lifetime commitment yet. Eventually I think we would have been, just not now. Walking away from each other now saved us both, and our kids, from suffering through a lot more heartache than we’re currently dealing with.

I’m editing this to add that I know Rich and I are not together because I am a brat. I’m opinionated and stubborn and (apparently) argumentative. This is my fault. I came to the conclusion that I acted like a 12 year old because if I hadn’t I would have taken a wrong turn. I would have hurt all four of us. Rich didn’t deserve any of this and for that I’m sorry.

There is a reason for everything. I never really thought about it before now…but I realize that I have never blamed God for any of the negative things that have happened to me. I know many people do. I’ve never been one to sit around and feel sorry for myself, at least not for long. But I do give Him credit for the good things that happen. And that’s the purpose of this post. None of this was luck. God is taking care of me and my girls and for that I am truely thankful.

I got the house!

I don’t have any details about when we will be closing or anything like that. My realtor is going to talk to the listing agent more about that tomorrow.

Life couldn’t be any more perfect right now…except for one thing.

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Audio proof of the screaming I talk about so often.

Every since Sunday when I told Rich that I thought we needed to take a break I have lived life like normal. In true Kristie fashion I forced him out of my mind instead of really thinking about how life would be without him. Focused on being the strong person I’ve always been. Telling myself that I don’t want to lose my independance, that I don’t want to learn to count on anyone but myself. When I told him I didn’t think we should persue the romantic aspect of our relationsip I truely believed it. When he agreed I was convinced that it was the right thing to do.

And then today he came here to bring all of the stuff I had stashed at his place. As soon as he walked in the door the tears started. I tried to hold them in because I. DO. NOT. CRY. Ever. Or hardly ever…especially when I think I’m doing what I want to do. Not only want to do, but need to do in order to be fair to him. He deserves someone better than me. He should have a woman who is able to give him her whole heart instead of feeling the need to guard it so closely. Someone who will soak up all of his affection and return it generously.

We stepped outside to get the last items out of his Jeep and I lost control. I didn’t just cry, I sobbed. And he held me while I did. I kept telling him I’m sorry and he told me not to be. He was gentle and kind, as it’s his nature to be. And I stood there for the first time I can remember and let myself feel the loss and the sorrow that goes with it.

He said goodbye to the dogs. And he said goodbye to Amber who shed some tears of her own…but this time she was more in control that I am. Amie came down and said goodbye then disappeared back upstairs. She’s definately her mother’s daughter.

I sent him a text message not long after he left. Typing out blurry letters I could barely see.

I guess I love you more than I gave myself credit for. I’m sorry I didn’t try harder while I had the chance. I don’t expect a response, I just had to say it.

But he did respond. And, as always, his answer was gracious. He said that neither of us knows what the future holds and that right now we need to work on ourselves.

He’s right. How we wound up switching roles so that he’s the practical one and I’m the emotional one is unclear to me. All I can do now is let time go by and see what the future brings.

I submitted my offer for the house a couple of hours ago. Someone else also submitted an offer so I now have a 25% chance of being able to buy this house. I even wrote a letter for good measure, not that it’ll matter since the house is owned by the bank, but it was worth a try.

I kept the letter upbeat and optimistic. It went something like this:

To Whom It May Concern:

First I would like to say thank you for allowing me to submit my offer. I know there are others on the table and that you don’t need to consider mine.

I am a single mother of two girls, ages 9 and 12. The three of us have toured numerous houses in the area and this is the first one that all three of us agreed that we’d like to live in.

If you accept my offer you will play a major role in helping us start our new life. I will be reasonably close to where I work, my daughters would not have to switch schools so close to the end of the year, and they will have the luxury of having their own rooms instead of having to share. Most importantly you will give us the peace of mind of knowing that we will not be displaced by a forclosere at the fault of a landlord.

I look forward to hearing your decision, whatever it may be.

Sincerely,

Kristie

Now all that’s left to do for now is wait and pray. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything as much as I want this.

This day was going so well until about an hour ago. And then it took a big dip into “doesn’t completely suck but is still pretty far from great” territory.

I went and got my fingerprints taken for my background check for my new job. That only took about five minutes. While I was in that area I stopped by DCSE (Department of Child Support Enforcement) to hand off my divorce decree and let them manage my case. I’m done playing games and paying for a lawyer to get me nowhere. DCSE is free. And you can’t argue with them. What they say goes. I’ll get a letter in 2-3 weeks telling me that everything is all set and I’ll never have to listen to anyone try to con me out of a fair support amount again.

I got Amber enrolled in a before school program that if perfect for when I start the new job. Since she’ll only be there for 30 minutes in the morning its inexpensive yet still safe. This is a huge break for me because usually those programs have waiting lists and she got right in.

I found a house last night that I adore AND can afford. I was so excited about it and I told my realtor to put an offer in. He called me a little earlier to let me know there are two other offers on the table. FUCK. They know I want to put an offer on the table but now there’s a 2 out of 3 chance that I won’t be the one who gets it. The long shots have been working out in my favor lately but that will probably not last long…hopefully I have one more good shot left.

Rich and I have mutually decided to part ways. We are just not as compatible as we need to be to continue on. We weren’t in the same place when it came to our feelings either. Rich falls in love hard and fast, and this time was no exception. I started out this relationship wanting to be friends, attempted to generate romantic feelings, and failed. It sucks to only feel “friend” vibes when your boyfriend is a man as wonderful as Rich is. I’ve told myself over and over again that I am an idiot, that he’s everything I’ve wanted in a significant other, but it just wasn’t there for me. I asked about the possibility of still hanging out sometimes in a friend capacity but he doesn’t think he’ll be able to do that. I understand and I told him to let me know if he finds that he is able to put his romantic feelings aside. Even though I’m not in love with Rich I am very very fond of him. I will miss him dearly. I missed him today when everything was going so well. I wanted to email him and let him know all about it but couldn’t because we were on a break. I emailed my sister instead but it wasn’t the same.

I hope Rich finds what he needs in the next girl. As for me…I’m staying away from the dating scene. I’m going to pour myself into my kids, my dogs, my new job, and hopefully my new house. Things will be OK for me. I know they will be for him too.

Jeeze, Jezebel…can I get you anything to make you more comfortable?