Y’all, I could totally start a whole new blog about my crazy roommate. Since her boyfriend left? She has gotten so much worse. When I talked to my mom earlier this evening she asked me “How could she get worse?”

And then B. opened her mouth and my mom said: “Oh, that’s how.”

B was yelling at Jezzy. When I asked what the problem was she snapped “She’s bothering my son“.

To which I answered “Then tell him to go upstairs.”

To which she said “Why don’t you put the dogs upstairs?”

And I replied “Because we spend every fucking (yes, I said “fucking” with my mother on the phone) minute we’re home upstairs. You guys can go up there for a change.”

At this point she ran out of things to say.

Jezzy is a very friendly dog. She wants to be friends with everyone. She hasn’t been able to get close enough to the monster to really get to know him. On the rare occasion that she’s downstairs at the same time he is she sniffs at him. She doesn’t jump on him or lick him or menace him in any way. She stands there and sniffs and wags her tail and hopes for some scrap of affection that he might throw her way. So her way of bothering him is to pretty much just stand too close to him.

B. will push Jezzy away, which Jezzy doesn’t understand. On thing about Pit Bulls is that they are very sensitive and get their feelings hurt easily. When I see her ears droop and her tail sag because she thinks she’s done something wrong just by getting near the monster I want to punch B.s face in. I told my mother “If she touches my dog again I will break every one of her fingers.”

After I hung up with my mom and the girls and I were on our way upstairs (because we had things to do, not because I was avoiding B) B says “I would appreciate it if you three would stop eating our food”.

I said “What food?” as I flashed back to the dozen or so times I know there was milk that I bought in the fridge when I went to bed but it was sitting in a sippy cup going sour by her son’s bed when I looked for it in the morning.

She picked up an empty produce bag, the clear flimsy kind, and dropped it back on the counter. She said “There were two apples in here this morning and now they’re gone.”

Amie ate one of them and she looked horrified that B. was so upset about it. (let me also mention here that when we first moved in here B told the girls that they were welcome to anything in the fruit bowl. Let me also mention that I’ve stocked the damn bowl a bunch of times myself and items have disappeared from it when the girls weren’t even home and I didn’t eat it.) I shrugged my shoulders, looked at Amie and said “It’s OK”. Then we went on our merry way.

At this rate it’s going to be a long damn five months. I’ve got my eye out for a place to escape to. I haven’t found anything yet but if I do I’ll pounce on it. Hopefully she’s doing the same thing and she’ll move before I have to.

Believe it or not I’m capable of being a very go-with-the-flow kind of person. I don’t sweat the small stuff. This probably comes from having lived with a couple of men who have mental issues. It probably also helps that I’m medicated. When I got the first glimpse of crazy radiating from the roommate I initially allowed a steady stream of explatives to bounce around in my brain. But, in true Kristie style, I didn’t make waves. I bitched a lot to Rich and my family but I didn’t attempt tell her that the way she behaves is not OK.

That’s probably how we wound up where we are today. We haven’t spoken since the night of the big blow-up, which is just fine with me. I have written her off and I don’t care if she falls off the face of the earth. Actually, that would be kind of cool…

If I’m stuck with her wreched ass I figure that I might as well have some fun. This weekend Rich and I watched DVD’s on HER TV, using HER DVD player Christmas present, sitting on HER couch, with Jezzy in my lap. The watching TV was probably not that big a deal, though I know every time she touches something of mine I want to break her fingers so she probably feels pretty much the same…but the part I know pissed her off, even though she ignored it, was Jezzy being on the couch. It doesn’t matter that she wasn’t actually touching the couch, just the fact that she was up there is enough to make B’s blood boil.

I don’t know if the rest of my time in this house is going to go this way but if it does? That’s OK with me. If she starts up with the ranting and the raving again I’ll have my fun, the same way I did last week.

I’m so over her. If I never had to look at her again that would be too soon. I know the feeling is mutual. I don’t care. That’s the beauty part of being me; I don’t care what other people think.

My roommate? (We’ll call her “B”…for BITCH) Is batshit crazy. We have come to dislike each other more than I ever thought possible.

She has been really bitchy lately. Much more than usual. She gets shitty with the girls for being too loud (at 7:30 p.m.) in their bedroom playing the Wii. She constantly picks on Jezzy. The poor dog can’t walk anywhere in the house when B. is home without being told to “get away Jezebel!” There was even one incident where Jezzy was laying on an area rug and B. pulled it out from under her, rolled it up, and put it against the wall.

There was a minor explosion on Saturday which was apparently the end of the rope for B. She’s done being civil, which is fine with me. What isn’t fine is that she is trying to dictate how the house runs. But whatever, I can ignore someone like a champ.

The explosion was related to her request for us to “quiet down” in the middle of the afternoon because she was trying to get her monster child to take a nap. She said that she had been trying to get him to go down for over two hours but we were making SO MUCH NOISE with door slamming, girls shrieking and dogs barking that she had been unsuccesful. (We had been gone for an hour just before she came downstairs. Plus, we were working outside in the yard, where she should have been, so we weren’t even in the house to be loud.) I looked at her and said “You’re kidding, right?”

She assured me that she was not.

So I calmly stared her down and said “OK, well, the next time [monster boy] wakes up screaming in the middle of the night are you going to SHUT HIM UP? Because I’m tired of hearing it.”

Her jaw dropped to the floor.

There were more words exchanged but that as the gist of it. There was another confrontation yesterday about the heat. She launched into a monologue about conserving the heating oil. I told her that she seems to forget that she isn’t the only one who lives here. She retorted that she and [monster boy] live with three people and a menagerie, which she is subsidizing, and she refuses to do it any more. I laughed at her and said “Uh, OK.” She had more to say but I interrupted her and said “You can stop being bitchy, you’ve made your point.” To my suprise she did shut up.

We had discussed extending our lease but I’m not sure that’s happening any more. I’ve spoken to the landlord and she said we’ll figure something out so that the girls and I can stay here until school gets out at least. I may have to find another roommate but at least she knows that B. and I are not getting along.

In other news…the girls and I gave up trying to keep 10 rats. We took seven of them back to Petco. They will be adopted out, hopefully in pairs, and I left their cages so that if someone wants both females or all five males they could take the whole package. The girls are not upset, they were overwhelmed and I told them that this isn’t the same as dumping their pets. We didn’t purposely breed a litter of rats and we tried our best. That many rats is HARD to keep clean! The girls room was smelling like amonia, even when the cages were freshly cleaned. They also eat a lot and I feed them expensive food. We have culled the herd and we now have a much more managable number of animals.

Despite what I’ve just told you life is not bad. Work is busy and I feel pretty confident in my position. Things with Rich are still great. I’ve started doing home visits for the rescue and that’s awesome. I’d say my problems right now are pretty minor considering what the girls and I have dealt with in the past.

1. I got my hair cut over the weekend. Nothing drastic, just regular routine maintenance (which I routinely forget to have done, resulting in a head full of hair devoid of any discernable style). On Monday EVERYONE at work noticed and said how nice it looks. When the fifth person said “Did you get your hair cut? It looks so good!” I replied “Um, it’s always supposed to look like this.” This netted me a laugh and a pat on the arm before the complimentor walked away. I stood there in the hallway outside of my friend’s department, looked at her and said “Wow, a person has to walk around looking pretty damn bad to get this many compliments after having an inch trimmed off her hair”.

2. We recently switched job duties in my department. I’m now doing a job that I actually kind of like and am free of the wreched title intake until August-ish. The only bad part about the switcheroo is that I’ve already signed many of the titles that I’m dealing with now in a different capacity, which means I have to bug other people to sign for me. I had one title that I took in, a lady named Shirley reassigned next, and then it came back to me. I walked over to a co-worker and had the following conversation:

Me: Would you please sign this for me, I already signed it two signatures ago.

Her: Surely.

Me: Shirley already signed it.

Her: I knew you were gonna say that.

Me: Am I that much of a smartass that you can anticipate when I’ll make a remark like that?

Her: Yes.

Me: Yeah, I kind of knew that.

Her: I figured you did.

I guess I’m gonna have to master the art of subtlety.

Do not, no matter how cluttered you think your cube will be, leave your gym bag (with shoes and clothes) in the car all day when it’s 31 degrees outside.

Brrrr.