me (9:42:20 AM): what do you like on your pizza?

Rich (9:42:29 AM): meat

Rich (9:42:37 AM): cheese

Rich (9:42:41 AM): sauce

Rich (9:42:46 AM): even the crust

Rich (9:42:54 AM): vegetables

Rich (9:42:59 AM): pineapple

Rich (9:43:06 AM): mushrooms

me (9:43:21 AM): pineapple?

Rich (9:43:27 AM): pineapple and ham

me (9:43:28 AM): pineapple has no place on pizza

Rich (9:43:32 AM): hawaiin

Rich (9:43:36 AM): it’s good

me(9:43:37 AM): no

me (9:43:38 AM): ew

me (9:43:40 AM): ew

me(9:43:41 AM): ew

me (9:43:41 AM): ew

Rich (9:43:51 AM): LIMA BEANS

Rich (9:44:17 AM): just kidding

Me (9:44:49 AM): do not even joke about putting lima beans on pizza

I’m so lazy, sometimes I amaze even myself.

I just threw the shirt and pants that I intend to wear to work tomorrow in the dryer with a wet rag. After 20 minutes it came out wrinkle free. Who needs an iron?

I was sleeping peacefully this morning when I was awakened by the sound of my text message alert.

“Good morning.” A message from The New Guy.

I looked at the clock, expecting it to be early since he’s an early riser. Not that he wakes me up at ungodly hours in the morning, but I was expecting it to be 10-ish.

It was 11:45. And I had to be at my brother’s house by 2. And it takes an hour and 15 minutes to get there.

Crap!!!

I jumped out of bed, hopped in the shower, and threw some clothes on. I sent him a message back “OMG, I just woke up when you texted me!”

I know he was laughing.

Of course I was late. 45 minutes late. And the reason I was going there was to attend a Mary Kay party.

They had no problem catching me up. I was cleansed, foundation-ed, and mascara-ed. The stuff was nice, but I wasn’t going to buy anything because I don’t really use any of it. And then my mom said to everyone:

Let’s get her made over…she has a new job and a new boyfriend!

Gee, thanks ma.

And the consultant said:

Stop teasing her, I’m trying to match her foundation and you’re making her turn red!

Which, of course, made me turn even more red.

My resolve to spend zero dollars was easily shattered when I found out that Mary Kay takes credit cards.

I walked out of there with way too much stuff that cost way too much money. But when The New Guy saw me tonight I knew it was a good investment. He’s always generous with his compliments but today my giant splurge was justified.

I know my mother and my sister are proud.

Read ‘em and weep! ZERO!!!

And here’s The New Guy with the girls, being silly after a cut-throat game of Golf.

It’s good that they’re still getting along after that brutal game.

I had one of the Best. Nights. Ever! last night. Even though it was thunder and lightning stormy and nastily humid I took advantage of a kid free Saturday night and went out with The New Guy.

First we went to dinner at Cracker Barrel, where he tried to feed me fried okra (no thanks) and he ate lima beans (on purpose ::shiver::). We talked lots and laughed more. We made fun of our waitress just a little bit because she just didn’t seem like she was cut out to serve other people. We weren’t mean or anything, just raised our eyebrows and made quiet comments a lot. I don’t think there’s any better way to start an evening.

After dinner we went to his parents’ house. I held the baby, played with the snack dog a little bit, and had much fun teasing Rich with the rest of the family. He’s a good sport, he took it all in stride. We played cards, a simple game called Golf because I have no idea how to play anything other than Go Fish, and I didn’t do too bad for a newbie. There was actually one round where I ended with ONE point! I took a picture of it with my camera phone, which I would post but it didn’t turn out good enough for that.

After cards we went to shoot pool at the pool hall where Rich’s sister-in-law works. I shoot pool even more poorly than I play cards but it didn’t matter. We played on teams: Rich and his sister against me and his brother. His brother is an awesome pool player. Suprisingly it was his brother who chose me to be on his team. When I told him that I’m not any good he said “that’s OK, you don’t have to be” and we went on to win all but one game. I did manage to sink a few balls, purely by dumb luck. Ray tried to help me out by telling me exactly how to aim (going so far as to put the chalk on the ledge of the table for a visual aiming point) and where to hit the cueball with the stick so the ones I was aiming for would roll into the holes but that still didn’t help me out a whole lot.

We were there for about two hours and I talked a lot to Ray and Amy. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more welcome to spend time with a family that isn’t mine. I want to send out a big “thank you” to them for that. And thank you, Rich, for bringing me along.

I hope we do it all again soon.

You, sir, are a dispicible human being. I can’t even BEGIN to describe the blood boiling hatred I feel when I think of you.

You thought you were untouchable. You forced your dogs to tear each other apart for your twisted amusement. You profitted from their suffering. You participated and enjoyed torturing and killing the ones who didn’t preform to your satisfaction.

And now? Now your true colors have been revealed. You aren’t the macho, king of the world your minions have allowed you to think you were. You’re a coward. You got caught and instead of standing up like a man, instead of answering to a judge and jury for your actions, you’re taking the easy way out. Copping a plea so that the public won’t find out the details of your operation.

The really sad thing is…there are so many ways to involve dogs in competition without maiming and killing them. Rally. Agility. Weight pull. Flyball. Organized sports for dogs that can be enjoyed by anyone. I know, you never really gave a rats ass about any of them. Your approval was given only to those who were still standing at the end of a bloody life and death battle.

Do you ever wonder what it would be like for you if the owners of your football team treated you the way you treated your dogs? You were one of the great ones…but were you great ENOUGH to avoid the slow and painful death that would be the result of losing a game?

I hope you enjoy your time in prison. It won’t be anywhere near long enough but it’ll have to do. I HOPE the judge will sentence you to more than just jail time. I hope he hits you where it hurts. I hope he makes you pay with actual money. I hope your money goes to fund organizations who’s missions are to save the very breed you exploited. I hope you never set foot on another football field. I hope your name carries nothing but negative connotations for decades. I hope your fall from grace is a rocky, painful one.

I hope you’re haunted by the sounds of death screams. I hope you lose sleep. I hope you lose your mind. You deserve nothing more.

Today was the big day! Party day! We had lunch, cake, presents, and the girls are now the proud owners of a Wii, thanks to The New Guy. He hunted high and low for that thing, and when he found one he went and got it for them. He rocks! Thanks Rich!

Today was also the day that Rich met my family. He talked to my dad about work stuff, it turns out that they work in the same field for different companies. AND it also turns out that his dad and my dad work for THE SAME company, but in very different areas.

The women of the family all liked him. He scored major points when he offered to hold my 4 month old niece while my sister ate her lunch, and he scored more when he kept Aubrie from fussing.

My sister in law said “He’s very nice!”

My sister said “I like him!”

My mother listed a whole bunch of things that he doesn’t do that make her like him…and then she said “You need to keep him.”

I’d say that today was a pretty good day on all levels.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMBER!!!!!!

My baby is 9 years old today.

Sew….how are yew all dewin?

I’m great! I was a little pissy earlier today because my ex-husband is a giant fucking asshole…but other than that everything’s cool. I have two words to explain WHY the father of my children is a scum sucking-gerbil felching-sack of shit.

CHILD. SUPPORT.

‘Nuff said.

Today is his birthday and I’m sure he’d be happy if he knew he managed to piss me off. I wished something not so pleasant would happen to him and his wife earlier today and made the mistake of mentioning it to my mother. She choked on her soda and said I was disgusting so I don’t suppose I should mention what it was here.

I thought it sounded good though.

AAaaaaannnnnyyyyyway.

I’m going to have two very happy girls on my hands on Sunday and I owe it all to The New Guy. If it wasn’t for him I would be collecting the Lame Mom award. I can’t mention what he did because Amie sometimes checks the blog but I’ll be sure to fill you in after the big day.

Thanks Rich! Smooches!

I’m off to go fold some laundry.

Rich: Whoa…you totally just tricked me into walking down the panty hose aisle…I’ll just be over in electronics, you can come find me when you’re done.

Kristie: (using my OUTSIDE voice as he’s walking away) Jeeze, it’s not like I just dragged you down the tampon aisle!

Isn’t dating FUN!?!