I found out today why my company is so generous with the free sodas and the free Starbucks and the catered lunches two days a week.

They don’t want us to leave the building for lunch. They want us to have a “working” lunch.

There goes my lunch time workouts.

Today was someone’s birthday so there was cake in the afternoon. If I don’t gain all of my wieght back plus some I’ll be amazed.

It’s kind of cool to be me right now.

So. Today was “the big day”. The start of my new job.

It was good. But not really anything to write home about. It was the typical “sit around after you fill out your paperwork until your username and passwords are all set up and your phone is programmed with your name but your email has to wait until tomorrow” first day. My boss is nice. There are about six other people in my department, all of them ladies, all of them seem to be nice.

I think I’ll like it there.

The past two days have been hard for me. Well, actually, this past week has been pretty difficult, with my total batshit crazy meltdown with The New Guy and saying goodbye to my clients and all.

The meltdown? While not completely unfounded was also blown out of proportion. I take the blame for that. My refusal to take any crap from anyone ever again in my entire life (amen) has me over thinking just about everything that happens, or doesn’t happen, which ever the case may be. Hopefully I’ll be successful in clearning all of the cobwebs in my brain so that I can get on with living happily ever after.

The saying goodbye to my clients…that’s been hard. There are a couple who have been pretty asshole-ish about it but for the most part everyone has wished me well. I was holding up pretty well until I went to walk my 9 yr. old Bull Mastiff yesterday. That dog always looks at me like he has stars in his eyes. His mom refers to me as his girlfriend. Since he’s gotten so old going up and down stairs has gotten harder for him and they make him nervous. The way his family gets him to go down a flight of stairs is to say “Where’s Kristie?” and he goes flying down to the bottom floor to look for me at the garage door. How can anyone not adore a dog who adores you right back? I spent a lot of time with him yesterday and had a lump in my throat the entire time. He knew I was upset about something and he did his doggie best to make me feel better. He offered me his paw, he nuzzled his head into my hand, and when we got back to his house he sat there and let me hug him while I cried. When I took him into the kitchen to fill his water bowl I found a card on the counter with my name on it. On the envelope is says “Thank you for taking such good care of our puppy! We wish you luck and we’ll miss you!” Inside was a $75 gift card to Bath and Body Works.

That was by far my hardest goodbye. I had to do the rest of them today and I was pretty emotionally drained by the time I got home. This weekend I’m finishing up the last of my pet sitting obligations for people who booked me before this whole job interview thing took place. I start the new job on Monday.

My sister called me today to ask if I was excited. Honestly, I’ve been so preoccupied with separating myself from the business I haven’t had time to think about it. Hopefully I’ll sleep well on Sunday night and have a fantastic day on Monday. I haven’t been sleeping well this week at all. Last night I was just a giant ball of stress. I couldn’t lay still to save my life. I flipped and I flopped and every time I stopped moving I felt like I had so much energy it could come right out of my finger tips. At the same time I was exhausted and couldn’t sit up to read or watch TV. It sucked.

I went today and got a hair cut. I should go get my nails done but probably won’t. I hate doing that on weekends when places are so busy.

I’m not someone who enjoys starting something new. I’ll be eager to jump into the job and get the work done without needing anyone to show me how to do it. I know that takes time but I’m determined to learn the ropes fast.

Will I miss being my own boss? Not really. I’m much happier being a worker bee. I know my own pets will be much happier because all of the energy I’ve been spending on other people’s pets will now be spent on them. Most of all I know my girls will be happier. They prefer routine and there is nothing routine in the pet care business.

2007 is definately turning out to be a year for change. So far all of it has been for the better. I hope I’m lucky enough to continue on this path.

Well…so much for smooth sailing. The girl we were sure was going to take over one of my areas has kind of fallen off the face of the Earth. Which is weird because she went so far as to provide references, and they’ve already been checked. Why would someone go to all that trouble and then not follow through? Heather and I are hoping she calls tomorrow with some really good reason for disappearing after she agreed to meet some clients within the next few days.

In other annoying news there’s been a blip on my radar concerning The New Guy. Is he still a nice guy? Yes. The problem I have is that he tells me when he has ex-wife businessy stuff to attend to and that drives me bonkers. Which, in itself is probably something I can work out in my head. But, when I told him that I didn’t want to know about his plans with the wife, divorce related or not, he asked me if I was jealous.

That was the exact wrong thing to say to me. A huge turn off. Right now I feel like he dumped a bucket of cold water over my head.

I could be completely wrong in my thoughts here but it seems to me (based on the limited information I have) that the two of them make more excuses to meet up than most divorcing couples who have been together for DECADES can think of. Signing this, notorizing that, conversing through email. I was more tied up household responsibility wise with HE WHO SHALL NO LONGER BE MENTIONED than The New Guy ever was with the soon to be ex yet somehow I’ve managed to make a clean break. No, I didn’t have to do the divorce paper thing but HELLO, I’m divorced from someone else. Which means I know how the process works. The whole point of a separation is to SEPARATE. Not constantly be in each others space unless one or both of them plans to try for some kind of reconcilliation.

And no. I’m not jealous. I simply don’t want to witness any head games. I don’t want to be the distraction for someone who’s feeling bad over the failure of his marriage. I do not enjoy watching her lead him around by the nose while he lets her. It’s the exact reason that I never wanted to be involved with someone who’s separated but not divorced in the first place.

Have I still not learned to go with my gut when it comes to relationships with people? Apparently not. I am a dumbass.

I think I might want to read this book!

Here’s some of what’s inside (found at iVillage.com):

No matter how open you are with your boyfriend, there are some things even the gutsiest gals are too shy to ask. Get the answers to all the questions you always wanted to ask your man, and a few answers to questions you never even thought of!

1. Only 6 percent of the male population needs extra-large rubbers, according to condom manufacturers. In other words, 94 percent of men lie.

2. The study most trusted by urologists shows that the average erect penis size is 5.1 inches long and 4.8 inches in girth. Unless you’re in a chat room. Then double it.

3. About 80 percent of American men are circumcised, even though the American Academy of Pediatrics says it’s not medically necessary. No word on why men insist on cutting something they’re always exaggerating about.

4. Men really do get “blue-balls.” Technically called “prostatic congestion,” the achiness in the testicles is caused by “trapped” blood. You know that crap he lays on you about orgasms being the only way to relieve it? He’s right. But not so fast, trampolina. So is your doctor — the one who says a warm shower or aspirin will also do the trick.

5. Penises are generally darker in color than the bodies they hang from. Why? It’s part of the sexual maturation process, but it’s also because during puberty nature introduces men to a special friend: their right hand. As Mr. Nice to Meet You Too, You Can Let Go Now will tell anybody who’ll listen, your skin would darken too if you were manhandled that often.

6. There is no correlation between penis size and shoe size, hand size or nose size. And the bad news is even worse for gold-digging nymphos: There’s no correlation between penis size and wallet size.

7. Masturbation, or “punching the monkey,” is healthy. No, really. “Use it or lose it” isn’t just an excuse for a guy’s hands to migrate south; it’s the official tested and studied conclusion of sex experts. The less a guy uses his sexual plumbing, the more problems he’ll have pumping the well later on. It’s only at Thanksgiving that you should tell your man, “Don’t play with your meat.”

8. Men will go limp if they drink too much. But how much is too much? About three and a half drinks for a 150-pound man. After that, the only thing standing upright in your house will be the vacuum cleaner.

9. All men have a line going down their penis and over their testicles. And no, it’s not the chow line. It’s more a “seam” on the underside of the penis. It forms when the fetus is in the uterus. In women, the seam becomes the inner lips of the vagina. In men, the seam encloses the urethra along the length of the penis.

10. Nothing can make a penis bigger — except aging. Unfortunately, the size of the prize stops growing by the time men hit their early 20s.

Relationship energy may be shifting into new territory for you, but you can be so concerned with how things appear that you may miss something significant. It’s most important that you pay attention to the subtle clues coming from others, especially those emotionally close to you. Allow a loved one to nurture you for a change.

I don’t put much stock in horoscopes. They pretty much say nothing but can seem to say everything. Today appears to be one of those days where mine says something that seems to closely resemble where I am at this moment in my life.

Weird.

I was walking Jezebel today, minding my own business, when a thug rollin’ in his Escalade stopped in the middle of the street and rolled down his window.

Him: Excuse me! Is that a boy or a girl dog?

Me: (knowing what’s coming) It’s a female.

Him: Hey, you wanna mate her???

Me: (Keeping in mind that he might be equipped to shoot me before I say something that might be construed as bitchy) She’s spayed.

Him: Oh, that’s too bad.

Too bad??? Nobody is using MY puppy to contribute to the gross Pit Bull over population problem. And they DAMN sure aren’t using MY puppy to create fighting dogs.

I hate people.